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Even silly feckin jokes !!!!
January 24, 2016

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
Even silly feckin jokes !!!!

January 24, 2016

Here a silly one for you to help keep the frost away......and it has to be an Irish joke too ......2 men Mick and Paddy have the job of measuring a very large large flag pole ......Mick looking scratching head and frowning when the boss comes upon the scene and asks what's the problem ,Paddy says he hasn't got a ladder long enough to do the job .....the boss undos the bolts at the base of the pole and with their help lowers it to the ground ....then gets a tape measure and gets the measurement....after the boss goes about his work  Mick turns to Paddy and says " hey I thought he wanted the height not the feckin length "

February 6, 2016

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
Even silly feckin jokes !!!!

February 6, 2016

Thought I'd tell you a good JOKE the PM of the Westminster Parliament is going to renegotiate the UKs membership of the EU ....alright stop giggling and be afraid very afraid

March 2, 2016

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
Even silly feckin jokes !!!!

March 2, 2016

I heard a joke which maybe a little on the "feminist shit list " but it will I think brighten your wet March day .....so let's see,here we go an airplane is loading its passengers,when a woman walking through 1st class takes a seat ,But she was only economy so the cabin crew try to get to move to her correct seat, the head cabin staff has a go ,but she's not moving,the co-pilot gets involved again asking "madam you have to move" ,her reply "no no I'm blond and beautiful and am going to New York and staying put"  The co-pilot reports back to the pilot about this unruly passenger,he asks what she said " blond and beautiful and going to New York " states the co-pilot.....ok he ( the pilot) I'll deal with this as I have a blond wife.........so into 1st class the pilot goes and and leans over the blond and whisper in her ear ,straight away she gets up and goes into economy......the pilot back in his seat is asked what he said to the Blond to get her to move.......easy he says "I told her that first class wasn't going to New York "  only economy!!!!!!!

April 6, 2016

Joined: April 23, 2014
Posts: 141
Even silly feckin jokes !!!!

April 6, 2016

Irish Compassion

Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.” When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued:

"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our five hour flight.” Her next announcement came about two hours later:

 

"If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available.”

April 6, 2016

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
Even silly feckin jokes !!!!

April 6, 2016

Not bad eeerrrrmmm here's another silly joke ,David Cameron didn't know his dad had an off shores account ,then again that's not too funny

April 9, 2016

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
Even silly feckin jokes !!!!

April 9, 2016

Another Irish joke........paddy in bed answers his wife's mobile phone at 3 am in bed.....shouting "FECK off and call the coastguard " ........." Who was that love " his wife asks ..........." Some fecker wanted to know if the coast was clear " .........

April 10, 2016

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 199
Even silly feckin jokes !!!!

April 10, 2016

man goes to doctor after prostate removal complaining of a long foreskin, doctor said you need a circumcision, two days later he has this done, what do you do with the bits he asks the doctor, I take them home and the wife sews them together to make purses which she sells for charity at £100 each. That's a bit expensive isn't it, he said, no said the doctor, when you stroke them they turn into suitcases.

April 10, 2016

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 199
Even silly feckin jokes !!!!

April 10, 2016

guy goes to same doctor complaining that after circumcision he cannot rise to the occasion, take this prescription down to the chemist, he does so the chemist says, have you ever taken snuff before? no said the guy, well this is ground Rhino horn every day for the next week you must sniff some up your nostrils in the morning, off goes the guy. Four days later the doctor is doing his rounds in the local hospital, he sees this guy lying in bed  and  says,  what are doing in here  I carn,t stop head butting Land rovers was the reply.

May 14, 2016

Joined: May 5, 2014
Posts: 556
Even silly feckin jokes !!!!

May 14, 2016

1) A German walks up to the Immigration Desk in Warsaw Airport. The Immigration Officer looks up & asks, "Occupation ?" The German replies " No, just a holiday".   2) TEACHER : "Children, what does the chicken give you ?" Students : "Meat, Miss" Teacher - "Very good - now what does the pig give you?" Students : "Bacon !" Teacher - Excellent ! And what does the cow give you?" Students : "Homework !"

June 2, 2016

Joined: April 23, 2014
Posts: 141
Even silly feckin jokes !!!!

June 2, 2016

 

Sir Peter John Cosgrove, AK, MC (born 28 July 1947) is a retired senior Australian Army officer and the 26th and current Governor-General of Australia. He was sworn in on 28 March 2014, and made a Knight of the Order of Australia the same day

 

 

 

General Cosgrove was interviewed on TV by Leigh Sales from the ABC.

 

 

 

Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns .

 

 

 

This is a portion of an ABC interview between a female journalist Leigh Sales and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters.

 

 

 

LEIGH SALES:

 

So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

 

 

 

GENERAL COSGROVE:

 

We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

 

 

 

LEIGH SALES:

 

Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

 

 

 

GENERAL COSGROVE:

 

I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

 

 

 

LEIGH SALES:

 

Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

 

 

 

GENERAL COSGROVE:

 

I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

 

 

 

LEIGH SALES:

 

But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

 

 

 

GENERAL COSGROVE:

 

Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

 

 

 

LEIGH SALES

 

The broadcast went silent for 46 seconds and when it returned, the interview was over! 

 

June 2, 2016

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
Even silly feckin jokes !!!!

June 2, 2016

Not bad Freddie but be glad we don't women on our site oooohhhhh

June 3, 2016

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
Even silly feckin jokes !!!!

June 3, 2016

Got another silly one......teacher in school asking a student " why have you brought your cat to school ???"  The boy replied " miss I heard my dad say to my mum,once he's off to school I'm going to eat that pussy " !!!

June 6, 2016

Joined: April 23, 2014
Posts: 141
Even silly feckin jokes !!!!

June 6, 2016

 

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2015 EUROPE From JOHN CLEESE The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British Army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level. Regards, John Cleese, British writer, actor and tall person And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC. Life is too short...

 

 

 

 

 

June 6, 2016

Joined: May 14, 2014
Posts: 977
Even silly feckin jokes !!!!

June 6, 2016

I will retire to the nether regions of outer Mancunia ( not to be confused with Manchester) to devise a suitable reply to your John Cleese effort Freddie but may take a millenium or six, Tom

September 11, 2016

Joined: May 5, 2014
Posts: 556
Even silly feckin jokes !!!!

September 11, 2016

Politicians & Nappies : "Politicians & nappies have one thing in common - they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason !" You may have to think about this for a moment...... John (JKW)

September 11, 2016

Joined: May 5, 2014
Posts: 556
Even silly feckin jokes !!!!

September 11, 2016

1) I'm on a whisky diet - I've lost three days already !   2)If I had a £1 for every woman that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive ! John (JKW)


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