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JOKES
April 15, 2015

Joined: May 14, 2014
Posts: 23
JOKES

April 15, 2015

Two old dears sat in an old folks home at 11 o'clock at night. All of a sudden a male streaker ran through. One had a stroke and the other could not reach.

April 17, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
JOKES

April 17, 2015

OKay reading custard jokes is going tooo faarr.....so here's one for ......What the difference between an Elephant and a Post box ???????????? okey say you don't know ..........Well I'm not letting you post my mail ( boom boom ) !!!!!!!!!

April 17, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
JOKES

April 17, 2015

Fred.... this my second attempt.......custard jokes Tom are going tooo faaarr.....so here's one for you.....Question ....what is the difference between an Elephant and a Post box....????????.......say you don't know.....okay I'm not going to let you post my mail !!!!!!!!( boom,boom)

April 17, 2015

Joined: April 23, 2014
Posts: 141
JOKES

April 17, 2015

Bob posted something here earlier but it has disappeared. Is this some sort of joke?

April 17, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
JOKES

April 17, 2015

Freddie  very good ,me and computers ,now that's a joke ,again a big thank you .I 'm  having a bad day my siton has blown a drive belt and the lady of the house wan'ts the grass cut !!!!!!!!!! so I have another joke ...A couple celebrating the Golden and are visiting the area they used to court before they married....they look over a bridge and see part of the fence were they had cuddled.......Pat turns to Mary  ''do you fancy a bit on the side '' Mary looking  around the area seeing nobody about agreed.......5 minutes later against the fence/hedgerow Pat is having his way when Mary is all agogg making lots of noise!!!!!!!! Pats asks ''Mary you were never like this, all them years ago ?????? '' Mary replies       '' Pat,Pat I know but then this fence was'nt ELECTRIC ''

April 20, 2015

Joined: May 12, 2014
Posts: 23
JOKES

April 20, 2015

Man comes home from the pub, his son says dad I have to tell you,  I've come out and I'm Gay, Oh!! No says his dad, his other son pipes up, so am I, Good God !! is their any one here who likes pussy, his daughter sticks her hand up, I do Dad.

April 22, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
JOKES

April 22, 2015

Here one for Tom coming from Liverpool.....school teacher having a history lesson on Kings/Queens of England ,she asked which monarch did the kids like the best and why.......so one kid says Henry 8th cos he chopped peoples heads off,another Victoria as she was in charge of the biggest empire the world has seen, yawn yawn till it came to little Tommy Smith he say's Dick the Shit the teacher is horrified such language plus there was no such king ....he say ''Yes miss it was Richard the turd ''( now do that with a scouse accent ..)

May 6, 2015

Joined: April 23, 2014
Posts: 141
JOKES

May 6, 2015

While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. Welcome to Heaven,' says St. Peter.

'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.' 'No problem, just let me in,' says the man. 'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.' 'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' says the MP. 'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.' And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he went down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he found himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and dressed in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and wave whilst the elevator rises.... The elevator rises and the door opens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. 'Now it's time to visit Heaven.' So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. 'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.' The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.' So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down and so on down to hell. When the doors open he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ' I don't understand,' stammers the MP. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened? ' The devil looks at him, smiles and says, Yesterday we were campaigning..  Today you voted.

 

 

 

 

May 8, 2015

Joined: May 9, 2014
Posts: 21
JOKES

May 8, 2015

Man walks past the asylum with a barrow load of horse manure. One of the inmate asks "where are you going with that ? Reply -- to spread on my rhubarb. Inmate  " you sould come in here -- we have custard on ours ----!! (D.Moynihan.... Xmas concert Osnabruck  19 56 )  

May 8, 2015

Joined: May 9, 2014
Posts: 21
JOKES

May 8, 2015

Man pushing barrow load of manure past the asylum. Inmate  "where are you going with that ? Man "to put it on my rhubarb" Inmate  "You should come in her --w e have custard on urs. (Danny Moynihan.. Xmas concert Osnabruck 1956)

May 8, 2015

Joined: May 9, 2014
Posts: 21
JOKES

May 8, 2015

Man pushes barow load of manure past the asylum. Inmate asks   "Where are you going with that ?" Man reples "to put on my rhubarb" Inmate  "You should come in here - we have custard on ours " (Danny Moynihan, Xmas concert Osnabruck 1956

May 8, 2015

Joined: May 9, 2014
Posts: 21
JOKES

May 8, 2015

JOKES Man pushes wheelbarow past the asylum Inmate asks "Where are you going with that? Man replies "To put on my rhubarb2 Inmate  "You should come in here -- we have custard on ours !" (Danny Moynihan, xmas concert Osnabruck 1956)          

May 9, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
JOKES

May 9, 2015

Jim the old ones are the Best,Best Best Best Best

May 9, 2015

Joined: May 5, 2014
Posts: 556
JOKES

May 9, 2015

Jim, I got it the first time !!! John (JKW)

June 2, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
JOKES

June 2, 2015

Got an e-mail joke from Ken P .....man and woman in bed having sex.......phone rings woman answers  it.....''.yes dear,of course dear''...''.hope your having a great time''......''.oh your going onto a new show in the west end and won't be home till early morning ''......''.enjoy byeeeee.''............then woman turns to man ....''.that was my husband explaining his game of golf and his plans for the evening with YOU''


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