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New jokes !!!!
October 24, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
New jokes !!!!

October 24, 2015

When I was a kid my mum used to send to the shop on the corner of our street with a ten bob note , and for that I'd bring back 6 eggs ,2 bottles of milk,a loaf of bread,5 lb of spuds and a packet of sweets for me ,trouble is you can't do that today........ too many cameras !!!!!!

October 24, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 199
New jokes !!!!

October 24, 2015

tell you what Bob your memory is fading, for ten bob you could get a hell of a lot more than that, I am of course assuming that you are not telling porkies about your age? or not really admitting that you were on leave from the army, to do your mums shopping. I seem to remember you going home crying, and your mum saying what,s  the matter son, and you replying all the other kids are calling me big head. Your mum said don't be silly bob you haven't got a big head, there, there, giving you a pat on the head, now stop crying. I want you to pop down to the greengrocers and get me 10lb of potatoes, Ok mum have you got a bag to carry them in, just use your school cap she said, boo hoo.

October 25, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
New jokes !!!!

October 25, 2015

Not bad Bob , size 7 ,and 25 fifths ............here another one for you to digest.......two sisters outside a nursing home having a fag, when it start to rain , one of the sisters gets a condom out of her bag cuts the end of puts it on her fag and continues smoking. The other sister seeing this asked were she got such a thing  and the reply at the local chemist uuuurrrrrmmm. A couple hours later the sister goes into the chemist and asks fo a box of condoms , the chemist looks embarrassing at her and asks what size madam......the reply  you know something that will fit a CAMEL ..............chemist faints

October 25, 2015

Joined: May 14, 2014
Posts: 977
New jokes !!!!

October 25, 2015

And so did the camel??????

November 18, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
New jokes !!!!

November 18, 2015

Here goes another sick joke......scene a mosque.....2 teenagers walking away from the entrance ( both wearing back packs) ,one says to the other " what are you going to be when you blow up " ??????????

November 28, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
New jokes !!!!

November 28, 2015

Christmas joke........2 blondes talking about this and that ,you know "Black Friday " and shopping ,first blond sez to second blond " you know Christmas this year is on a Friday !!!" ,second blond replies " hope it's not the 13th " ........weak but it nearly xmas !!

November 29, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 199
New jokes !!!!

November 29, 2015

over heard recently in Portobello Road market London, Elsie look at the price of this 18 carat gold crucifix  £254.00  in a velvet box. That's nothing Patty there is one over here that's 18 carat with a little man on it for £260.00 said Elsie

December 1, 2015

Joined: April 23, 2014
Posts: 141
New jokes !!!!

December 1, 2015

 

 The Night Nurse

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after

an 18-hour shift.

Preparing to write a cheque, she pulls a rectal thermometer out

of her purse and tries to write with it.

When she realises her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted

teller, and without missing a beat, she says:

'Well, that's great..............some arsehole's got my pen!'

December 3, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
New jokes !!!!

December 3, 2015

You might heard this one but it's a good Irish joke........Paddy on a Ryanair flight to London sitting beside a Muslim gent ....when the attendant asks if he would like a drink.....Paddy asks for a whisky and turns to Muslim guy and asks dos he want one......" No ,I'd sooner be shit on by a dozen hoarse " .....Paddy hands his drink back .....then says " boy can l have one them as didn't realise they sold them "

December 8, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
New jokes !!!!

December 8, 2015

  got a rude one for all you husbands out there ........guy strokes his wife's bottom and says " if you tighten this up you could get rid of your girdle " ................a little while later he cups one of her boobs in his hands and says "if you tighten these up you get rid of your bra " .............later that night in bed she leans across and holds his penis  and says " if you tighten this up you could get rid of the milkman,coal man and the postman !!!!"......

December 9, 2015

Joined: April 23, 2014
Posts: 141
New jokes !!!!

December 9, 2015

As Bob R has set a bog standard for jokes we had better try and maintain it! 'I can't believe that you have been visiting prostitutes for sex' screamed the wife 'I'm really disappointed' 'You can hardly blame me' he answered 'Its not like I was getting any from you.' 'Well that's your fault' she replied 'You never told me you were willing to pay for it'

December 9, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
New jokes !!!!

December 9, 2015

Not bad.......another below the waist joke .....a very old woman shaking badly enters a sex shop ,nice young lady behind counter ask can I help you ?...."yes"  replies the old lady " do you sell vibrators " ...yes was the reply again........."Do you sell 10 inch by 3 inch runs on batteries"young lady goes into the back for a look then returns with an affirmative nodd ,old lady then asks shaking " can you turn it off "???????????

December 10, 2015

Joined: May 14, 2014
Posts: 977
New jokes !!!!

December 10, 2015

An Irish joke for Bob R.

Subject: Fwd: Becoming an Irishman
 
                                                                  BECOMING AN IRISHMAN.....   Seven year old Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school.                               "What's your name?", asked the teacher. "Mohammad," he replied. "You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher,
                              "So from now on you will be known as Mike." Mohammad returned home after school. "How was your day, Mohammad?", his mother asked. "My name is not Mohammad.
                                    I'm in Ireland and now my name is Mike”. "Are you ashamed of your name?
                                   Are you trying to dishonor your parents,
                                 Your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!" And his mother beat the shit out of him.
                                             Then she called his father,
                                        Who beat the shit out of him again. The next day Mohammad returned to school.
                                      The teacher saw all of his fresh bruises. "What happened to you, Mike?", she asked.
                                      "Well shortly after becoming an Irishman,
                                          I was attacked by two fooking Arabs."

December 10, 2015

Joined: May 14, 2014
Posts: 977
New jokes !!!!

December 10, 2015

Apologies for the mess in the previous message, my laptop must have become an Ayrab while I was writing the message cos it took offence at the story. Typical ayrabs eh? And I DID try to enter it properly, hhhonest!

December 11, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
New jokes !!!!

December 11, 2015

Tom nice to see you back in the land of Murphy jokes


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