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New jokes !!!!
December 11, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
New jokes !!!!

December 11, 2015

Now for something different ......a Syrian refugee just arrived in the UK was out on the Main Street of his new town ......he then went up to a passer by and said " thank you Mister English man for letting me into your country and giving me benefits and a flat to live in " ......"I'm not English I'm an Egyptian " was the reply.....then the refugee stops another person this time a woman her reply was " I'm not English I'm from Pakistan " .....this goes on for a good bit ,Polish,Lybian ,Iraq. In the end the frustrated refugee asks in frustration where are all the English people and one passerby from Afganistan looks at his watch and says "At this time he'll be at work "

December 14, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
New jokes !!!!

December 14, 2015

Now here's one for you historians .....Berlin wall a plane crashes smack in the middle of no mans land ......question "which side of the wall do they bury the survivors ???? "

December 14, 2015

Joined: May 12, 2014
Posts: 683
New jokes !!!!

December 14, 2015

It's not one for historians it's one for numpties! Why would you bury survivors Robert?

December 15, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
New jokes !!!!

December 15, 2015

Well spotted ......what about the frog dead in the centre of the pond ,normally he could swim 10 feet in ten minutes ,the pond is 40 foot in diameter ,so how long to reach the bank ????????????

December 15, 2015

Joined: May 12, 2014
Posts: 683
New jokes !!!!

December 15, 2015

Had you said "the frog in the dead centre of the pond" I would have given you the answer; as it is ..................!!

December 15, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
New jokes !!!!

December 15, 2015

Ok ,ok now for another immature joke from one my grandchildren ,,,"what names will you not get in a Chinese phone book ??????"............give up ........its Wong and Wing .......stops you Winging the Wong number .....yuk eh !!

December 17, 2015

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
New jokes !!!!

December 17, 2015

Here's another happy thought......I was standing in a Tesco till queue behind a very large woman (fat can I say that ) anyway back to the queue ,her phone goes beeping in her back pocket and the kid behind me says " watch out mister she's reversing !!".........kids ???

January 4, 2016

Joined: April 23, 2014
Posts: 141
New jokes !!!!

January 4, 2016

 

An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.

 

An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more.

 

This happens yet again.

 

The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.

 

Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers."

 

'Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies, "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond."

 

The bartender and soon the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.

 

Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening - he orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

 

The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know-the two beers and all"

 

The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well It's just that I, myself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."

 

January 7, 2016

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
New jokes !!!!

January 7, 2016

Yes Freddie my Irish wife liked that one !!

January 10, 2016

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
New jokes !!!!

January 10, 2016

Here's a warning to all husbands .....man sitting watching Tv ,his wife come behind and belts him over the head with a frying pan ( ouch) ...." What was that for " ....she answers ....." I found a girls name on a piece of paper in your pants pocket" .........." Non no that was horses name I bet on last week"......all cuddles and apologies .....the following day she again hits him ,but with a bigger frying pan ," shite woman what was that for " ....." Your horse just phoned !!!!! "  

January 10, 2016

Joined: May 14, 2014
Posts: 977
New jokes !!!!

January 10, 2016

Bejaysus Bob, it's da way youse tells 'em........Begorra an' befroideee......(comes after Turrsdee)

January 10, 2016

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1203
New jokes !!!!

January 10, 2016

Tom here's one you'll like ,question what cake once eat could kill you years after wards ......ok give in easy peasy a Wedding cake !!!!!! Boom boom !!!!!!

January 10, 2016

Joined: May 14, 2014
Posts: 977
New jokes !!!!

January 10, 2016

Bob, Santa says Ho ! Ho ! Ho ! ( I spoke to him this afternoon in Tesco....) (He should have been in Asda) Q: Girl ask fella  "what is a wet Stag called ?" A : fella says;  a  "Rain, Dear"  

January 11, 2016

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 24
New jokes !!!!

January 11, 2016

Political Joke With Tom Watson as Deputy Leader of The Labour Party & Jeremy Corbyn as Leader is the Party now being led by TOM & JERRY.

January 11, 2016

Joined: May 14, 2014
Posts: 977
New jokes !!!!

January 11, 2016

Ted, BOOM-BOOM !!!! You got it in one!!!! Before long we may have to add Cameron, then it would be "The Three Stooges"..... (it's the way we tell  'em !!!)


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