Back to all topics

You Couldn’t Make It Up
July 20, 2017

Joined: May 12, 2014
Posts: 683
You Couldn’t Make It Up

July 20, 2017

I was shopping around for some life insurance recently, don't need a great deal just enough to cover the coach and 6 black horses to take me to the "crem" in style. Anyway, this morning Courtney called from an online brokerage. Lovely girl, I estimate to be in her early 20s, spoke with an "estuary" accent,  charming but kept addressing me as David without invitation to do so. Why do strangers who want to sell you something presume it's ok to call you by your first name without being invited to do so?  Normally anyone other than friends or family who call me and address me by my first name get short shrift but on this occasion as she was answering my online query I let it ride. Anyway she gives me the spiel and all the boring details asks innumerable questions about health, age, smoking status etc etc."Any dangerous sports or pastimes" she asks, "no skydiving, bungee jumping that sort of thing"? "Nothing apart from alligator wrestling" I respond, "but only on a Friday evening once a month at the alligator wrestling club I belong to". NOW; how many people do you suppose would believe that? Right noone, or at least noone with half a brain. Courtney has less than half a brain. "That sounds very extreme" she counters, "I've never had a client before who does that, isn't it very dangerous, how big are they?" "No bigger than 12 to 14 feet at most", I respond. "Gosh that isn't even on my list of dangerous sports or pastimes that's really weird, bear with me while I ask a colleague what to do". I wait, she returns, "well David, I've been advised to contact the underwriters for a quote cos I can't fill all the boxes in to get you an online quote, can I email you once I've done that?" " Tell you what Courtney let me think about it and get back to you, if the alligator wrestling is an issue I might just forget the whole thing because it really is an important thing in my life." "I understand David, I am really sorry I can't help you right now but I'm sure there will be a company who will accept it, it's just not on my list". " No worries Courtney, thanks for calling." "Bye David really nice to talk to you." Don't believe me? Well that's ok I'm not entirely sure I do even though it was me and the conversation took place this morning, just a few minutes ago. Weird, really weird, surreal even. I still need life insurance though so I guess I will curtail the funny asides and jokes in future. Maybe not!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

July 20, 2017

Joined: May 12, 2014
Posts: 683
You Couldn’t Make It Up

July 20, 2017

Just received an email from Courtney. "Dear David please find enclosed our lowest quote for the term life insurance we discussed, my line manager told me to assume the alligator wrestling thing was a joke so I have ignored it. Please let me know if you wish to proceed or if you have any further questions." Ummm!!

July 20, 2017

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1202
You Couldn’t Make It Up

July 20, 2017

What about "grisly bear wrestling " , yep I thought so ,now that means I'm not going to the Rockies.

July 21, 2017

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 199
You Couldn’t Make It Up

July 21, 2017

David, Alligator wrestling is not so off the wall, there is a place in Colorado called Mosca, at this place there is a is a firm called Colorado Gators Reptile farm, here a lad of Scottish ancestry called Jason Macdonald  will teach you to wrestle alligators of all sizes up to 12 feet,  you will be given a Certificate of Insanity if you complete the course. The address is as follows, WWW.COLORADOGATORS.COM.Tele. 719.378.2612, using the appropriate US dialing code. I think you should reply to Courtney saying how disappointed you are that her company seems to feel that this was a joke  etc etc I am sure a man of your education can get some mileage out of this and it will stop you getting bored with Parliament being on their hols. keep smiling young man.

July 21, 2017

Joined: May 5, 2014
Posts: 555
You Couldn’t Make It Up

July 21, 2017

A brilliant wee tale David, and knowing you from way back, I know full well every word of  it will be true ! You & Jimmie James (RIP) always had that great ability to talk at any level whilst keeping a straight face, recipients of the "tongue" never quite sure what to believe - long may your "facetious, indeed acrimonious" abilities remain to keep us amused !! Question - who uttered those words ("facetious, indeed acrimonious") at a Mess Meeting in Senne, which had us all gobsmacked, especially the RSM at the time, Paul Savage (also RIP) !?! John (JKW)

July 22, 2017

Joined: May 12, 2014
Posts: 683
You Couldn’t Make It Up

July 22, 2017

I can't recall who uttered the words you speak of John, was it someone who knew the meaning of them??  As an aside, just watching Peter Kay on the TV, he's on stage and a guy is heckling him from the audience. Kay singles him out in the darkness and  shouts; "Right son, next time someone says penny for your thoughts to you, sell em"!Brilliant! Not acrimonious but certainly faceitious!

July 22, 2017

Joined: May 5, 2014
Posts: 555
You Couldn’t Make It Up

July 22, 2017

Ron James was the "utterer" of those fine words, which brought a stunned silence because none of us knew what they meant, including dear old "Beastie", until the silence erupted into sniggers turning to outright laughter - oh happy days ! Peter Kay - love the guy, on stage, "Phoenix Nights" and in "Car Share", especially the 1st series, absolutely brilliant ! John (JKW)


1 Next

Total members: 261
Total posts: 4151