Back to all topics

Funny stories from back in the day
June 29, 2020

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1812
Funny stories from back in the day

June 29, 2020

Osnabruck 74 ,driver training Land Rovers for NI . C Sqn from panzer to wheeled . Being a D&M instructor had a group of 6 to convert . So on the square introducing the guys to the controls . Then we had bollards to practice round etc. After a couple of guys did well a young trooper ( nameless) sat in drivers seat and started up engaged gear (1) brake off ,clutch out ,then reversed into the ditch around the square . All 7 of us looking up at the sun ,good yes but next time he’d check the forward and reverse lever. Needless to say if anybody can remember a guy who’s nickname was “dickhead “ ,he did buy the brews in the Naafi later .

June 29, 2020

Joined: May 5, 2014
Posts: 1286
Funny stories from back in the day

June 29, 2020

In Detmold I had a habit of coming back from the Cpls Mess late on a Saturday night having had many Double Diamond "sherbets", crossing the Square ( the Sgts Mess backed onto it you remember), singing "High Noon" at the top of my voice towards the block - I must add that I do NOT have a good singing voice . I lost track of the times I was wheeled in on a Monday morning being told "You'll NEVER get in the Sgts Mess if you continue such behaviour" !! John (JKW)

June 30, 2020

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1812
Funny stories from back in the day

June 30, 2020

Well did you ?

June 30, 2020

Joined: May 5, 2014
Posts: 1286
Funny stories from back in the day

June 30, 2020

You could say I did ! Mind you, another "episode" could have scuppered my career - I was selected (detailed !) to be a waiter at an Officers & Sgts Mess " do" held in the Detmold gym & given the task of bringing drinks to the VIP Table. The Brigadier had asked for some fancy drink ( Tom Collins I think) and neither the bar staff or me knew what it contained, so we had a guess. When someone suggested it be topped up with water, being in the gym with no tap nearby, I suggested putting vodka in as a substitute instead. The Brig seemed to enjoy it, & kept asking for another, so I duly obliged, helping myself to one as well each time - before long the PMC of the day, a certain WO2 Dave Roberts,  said I'd better leave as the Brig (& me) were well oiled ( he used different words). I was also told NOT to expect the DM10 pay we were due for "volunteering" ! Anyway, on leaving one of the bar staff slipped me a bottle of whisky which I duly shared with the lads on "stag" outside who were ogling the the women through the windows ! Believe it or not, nothing was ever said to me come Monday morning, so I obviously got away with it, but when I think back, I didn't half have some lucky escapes ! I like to think that some of those scrapes I got into helped me "understand" ( often with tongue in cheek) when an errant soldier was before me & I had to rollock him - sometimes I grinned from ear to ear after he'd left the office with his tail between his legs, me thinking  "been there, done that, got the T shirt" !! John (JKW)

July 4, 2020

Joined: May 5, 2014
Posts: 1286
Funny stories from back in the day

July 4, 2020

In Detmold, I left "A" Sqn to join Recce Troop as a Cpl.  Gordon Hatfield, a fluent German speaker, used to take me round the local pubs, size up the biggest, ugliest German inside, & offer me to them to fight for a cash sum ! I'd end up scrapping, & after winning, Gordon would divvy up the money with me (he took 50% !!) and move on to the next bar. He was the original boxing promoter / agent / manager I reckon, in other words, a wheeler dealer ! John (JKW)

July 4, 2020

Joined: May 5, 2014
Posts: 1286
Funny stories from back in the day

July 4, 2020

Unless any looking in haven't heard it, I won't mention the episode with me as temporary Provost on the Gate Barrier, wearing a beard, long hair, no beret, a white open neck  shirt with a silver Cpl's stripes badge, stable belt & No2 Trousers, and slippers - I'd been excused EVERYTHING, until RSM Roy Mills returned from exercise & saw me, when an instant cure to my ills was found !! John (JKW)

July 4, 2020

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1812
Funny stories from back in the day

July 4, 2020

Talking of the provoking Detmold here’s one on a very senior officer, back in 66 I came back from a posting to AAC in Hobart and was enrolled as one of Joe Duda’s workers. At the time we had a couple of young officers who used to like mucking about in/out of the main gates. Yes we had an up/down barrier and yes the Ruperts had fast cars and of course we had to salute . There was this young troop leader who kept going under the barrier and was upsetting Joe ,so we had the REME come and welded chains to the barrier to stop Lt Harry Hall from doing his Stirling Moss under the barrier ,and right on time Lt Hall tried to do it again in his Mini ,needless to say he had to have a new bonnet and windscreen . I was lucky Geof Welsh was on gate duty that day ,meaning at a later date in Osnabruck Major Hall had me promoted to sergeant. I wonder what happened to that young Rupert .

July 5, 2020

Joined: May 5, 2014
Posts: 1286
Funny stories from back in the day

July 5, 2020

In HQ Sqn, Recce Troop, I shared a bunk which overlooked the main gate. I was due to travel to Berlin for the BAOR Boxing Championships, but the night before there was a "crash out" - I slept right through the noise of tanks & all manner of military vehicles exiting the camp, never heard a thing ! When I asked my room mate why he'd let me sleep in he replied "Didn't want you to miss the transport to Berlin !" John (JKW)

July 7, 2020

Joined: August 18, 2018
Posts: 14
Funny stories from back in the day

July 7, 2020

I was on gate guard at Smuts barracks Berlin, Hogmanay 77. The guard consisted of two nco's and two troopers. The commander was H G (ex Carb), the 2ic was R W (ex Grey). I had been in the regiment for only 5 months after JLR so I was still "army barmy"! About 23.00 the "old sweats" had decided to lock the gates and one nco and one trooper would go first footing then come back and let the other two have their turn. I couldn't believe this was going to be done but went along with it. I was on the gate and the nco was in the mess and the other two were away first footing pads. After a few hours my nco came back from the mess and then it was our turn to first foot. I can remember being at few pads houses and crapping it thinking we would be found out, my attitude soon change once the drink was flowing. I just about remember returning to the gate at about 05.00 to find not only the gate locked but the other two inside sleeping. We had to climb over the gate,  inside the gate house the other two drunks were slumped on their camp beds, the place was covered in puke. The only other thing I remember is the new gate guard moaning like hell about the smell but hey ho, I was just a trooper, there were two nco's in charge!

July 25, 2020

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1812
Funny stories from back in the day

July 25, 2020

How about when you were training in Catterick,3 RTR were then in charge 62/63 . Alma bks brand new building and if you can remember that the winter 62/3 it snowed upto April 63 . Queen Mum was going open the new bks but snow was dirty , us is training sent up to the local moors to fetch fresh snow so it looked okay for Queen Mum on entering the bks. Then there was 108 in our intake ( every fortnight) my basher was on 2nd floor and our sergeant was a guy called Evans ( from the valleys) terrible sense of humour. On one inspection he asked a recruit could he run when inspecting his bed lay out ,webbings,pillow,blanket boxed etc,the recruit said “ yes sarge” .Then Sgt Evans through his boxed blanket pillows out the window and said “ good chase after that “. Needless to say only 80 passed out 3 weeks later

July 25, 2020

Joined: May 5, 2014
Posts: 1286
Funny stories from back in the day

July 25, 2020

I remember that winter ! I was in Gunnery Troop at JLR, travelling by 3 tonner from Bovvy to Lulworth every day for our gunnery training. Despite setting off earlier than usual ( about 0700hrs I think), due to the heavy snow, we had to keep stopping and digging out stranded civvy motorists and it was almost lunch time before we got there. A quick lesson on .30 Browning stoppage drills, a stop for a haverbag scoff followed by another indoor lesson like ammo recognition, and it was back onto the trucks for the return trip to Bovington. How we ever passed our trade tests I'll never know, our training was condensed into such a short period of instruction it's a wonder we learned anything. Who would have thought I'd be returning years later as a Schools Instructor at Lulworth Gunnery School !?!  During those 3 years at Lulworth I instructed all types of courses, one of which was teaching Officers to become Regimental Gunnery Officers. On one such course, a Household Cavalry Officer asked me to give him extra tuition for his forthcoming TP (teaching practice) after hours. I explained he'd have to give me a lift home back to my MQ in Bovington as I shared lifts with fellow Instructors - "No problem Staaaaff" ( they talk like that in the HC !). Anyway, after about an hours work, said Officer said "I'll meet you at the Guardroom & drive you home". He turned up in a Rolls Royce !! Naturally, I told him to slow down in the MQ area, cruising at snails pace whilst watching the various households  curtains twitch ! The Officer later told me he was selling the Roller because it didn't suit his image - he bought a bright red Ferrari instead ! John (JKW)

August 5, 2020

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1812
Funny stories from back in the day

August 5, 2020

Here’s one from our time in the Dale Chester ,you’ll remember we were the only regular army unit in the north west . That meant we had the job of picking up AWOL people from the cop shops . Then you’ll remember that the guard room was the cricket pavilion,so Joe Duda and Jack Hughes had a novel way of exercising the prisoners ,handcuffed to the ground roller then watch them do the circuit of the cricket field. Needless to say no body did a runner ,being in MT under Hank DeFraine when we took them (prisoners) to Catterick or Bovvy we handcuffed them to the L/rover frame ,still can remember Jack sitting on the steps giving them a hard time.

August 5, 2020

Joined: May 5, 2014
Posts: 1286
Funny stories from back in the day

August 5, 2020

Here's one Cliff Collie might remember from Sennelager days  ; I was "A" Sqn SSM & my wife ( a qualified ladies hairdresser) was asked to become the paid Regimental Barber until they could find a replacement for the German guy who had retired. Being paid by each head she haircutted (!?!), she took the job but IMO was too "soft", squaddies being squaddies just asked for a light trim which she did. Having told a " long hair" to get a haircut on Morning Parade, the next morning he'd turn up needing more to come off - I'd (ever so politely) tell said soldier to GET ANOTHER HAIRCUT ! I could often hear a muttering in the ranks " Sgt Major's car payment must be due" !!!  John (JKW)

August 17, 2020

Joined: May 5, 2014
Posts: 1286
Funny stories from back in the day

August 17, 2020

Not sure if anyone reads these "swingin' the lamp" tales, but here's another one I had, though NOT funny at the time ; I was on an exchange visit / course with the 7th US Army NCO's Academy, a full Cpl at the time & the only Englishman on the course. Near the end of a gruelling 6 weeks ( loads of tales there !), we were split into small teams for an Escape & Evasion exercise  - prior to starting, we were given a demonstration of the war dogs who would be helping to search for us, never seen such savage beasts in my life, who tore the padded arms & legs off the "stooge" as an example to us of what they'd do if they caught us. I suddenly became the best E&E soldier ever, vowing those dogs would never find me - I left no trails, smells or ANYTHING that would help them detect my whereabouts, becoming an expert overnight in escape & evasion ! At the end it transpired a fair number had been captured, but during the debrief I couldn't see any blood or bandaged limbs from my fellow students - why ? Because those dogs had been kept on thick chains throughout, and although running all through the training area looking for us with their handlers, emitting blood curdling noises too, they were never actually let loose !  Fear can certainly improve performance - this was proved to me on that exercise with the Yanks, who were masters of phycological warfare from the lessons learned during the Vietnam war, using other "tricks" too during the course. Despite the general anti feeling amongst the British of the American Forces, I found them very professional and good at their job, especially the 10th Special Forces guys we worked with as well. John (JKW)

August 18, 2020

Joined: May 8, 2014
Posts: 1812
Funny stories from back in the day

August 18, 2020

Now I’m dragging the bottom of the barrel,1963 May ,just joined the Regiment in Detmold,SHQ C Sqn under Merve Gardner on the dozer tank . First parade over starting the Cents main engines ,ours wouldn’t start so out with the slave lead into the drivers cab off towards the next tank ,and told to stop before connecting up . Why I asked ,there was a tangle in the slave lead and the electric couldn’t get thro ,took a few minutes untangling the cable to laughter from George Doswell and co ,” what’s so feckin funny “ I asked . Then it dawned on me ,off course the electric got through,NIGGS you can’t beat ‘em .


1 Next

Total members: 277
Total posts: 6856